Caught in the act
- Mark Moody
- Sep 18, 2018
- 4 min read

Us OCD sufferers are very good at hiding our illness, whether it be through embarrassment or shame, or worrying about what other people might think of us if they saw us doing the rituals we do and the reason we feel the need to do them.
But sometimes hiding it is just not poss
ible, or you try your best but get caught in the act, which is exactly what happened to me at the weekend.
It was the local fair at the weekend and after going into town to collect my prescription i decided i would go and buy some candyfloss for me and my friend who i was on my way to see.
I went over the road and over to the stand selling the candyfloss and did what i do in most shops sometimes and kind of just stared at the board just giving the impression i am having trouble deciding, lucky for me this time it was a fairly quick decision with not much fight with my OCD.
Me "2 bags of candyfloss please"
Simple as that, paid for it, then the woman pointed to me that the bags of candyfloss were next to me and to just help myself, so i undone 2 bags from the peg where they were hanging then off i went.
About 10 seconds later however the following monologue is going on in my head
OCD "I don't think you should of picked those 2 bags, i think you should go back and pick 2 different bags instead"
Me "No come on are you serious? i can't go back and change them when there all exactly the same"
OCD "I think you should, if you don't something really horrible is going to happen to you or someone you love"
At this point i carry on walking away and towards my car determined to try the delayed response tactics often taught in CBT, but i couldn't do it as much as i wanted to, by this time Anxiety levels were a 8 out of 10 that horrible feeling of impending doom in your stomach, like what the OCD is saying in your head is true and your body is trying to tell you the same begging you not to walk away but to go back.
So i give in and as i turn around i quietly mutter to myself
"Are we actually doing this? YES YES we're doing this" Notice how i said WE lol like the OCD is coming with me for the ride
So i get back to the original stall and i casually put my 2 bags of candyfloss back on the peg in a rather awkward thumbled way with the pegs, while staring at the other 5 or 6 bags trying to decide which is the "Right" 2 bags to take, the ones that feel right and my OCD does not reject to.
As i am doing this i happen to look out the corner of my eye and see the Woman on the stall looking at me and smirking, of course she has no idea what's going on so i don't mind her smirking at me as she then said to me.
"They were all made on the same day you know lol"
Now really in a perfect world where we feel we can all open up about our Mental Health my truthful response should be
"Sorry a little voice in my head was saying to me that i must change these 2 bags for another 2 or something really horrible is going to happen to me or someone i love and i just can't ignore it right now so i come to change them sorry"
But my quick response was
"Lol i know but there's different colours isn't there?"
She says "No there all the same"
So i just joke and say "Well that was a waste of time changing them wasn't it lol"
Really of course i had changed them and i was much more relaxed and set off home
Now i am sure i been caught doing rituals in public before like walking around a lamp post a certain direction, touching a door or window in a certain way or walking backwards and forwards, but this was the first time i been in a situation where i know they seen what i am doing and i have to give a answer as to what i am doing, and though i handled it well it was a very awkward situation for me as i felt like i couldn't be open and honest about what i was doing.
So this is just a little eye opener to non sufferers about 1 example of the things us sufferers can be thinking and the weird habits we may do in public when we really don't want to, and it's VERY awkward and can make us very anxious.
So if you see someone doing something out of the ordinary in public, try to stop and think for a moment.
Don't Judge
Don't laugh
Unless its effecting you or you feel there about to do something dangerous just leave them be, or maybe try asking if they're ok and offer some support?
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