When you feel it's all your fault

So sadly just under a week ago now from doing this post, my little cockatiel Crackers died at just 3 and a half years old. Crackers was a female and despite having no partner Cockatiels very commonly still try to lay eggs, unfortunately it did cause problems for her mainly breathing difficulties, now as far as i know there's not much you can do to stop them doing this apart from small things to not encourage them so i did feel very helpless not being able to do anything.

But this is not a educational post on birds sadly the fact is either way this time round despite my efforts her egg laying was to much for her this time :-(

Now most "normal" people would of course feel just as guilty or even wish they could of done more but they would still put it down to a very unlucky poorly bird.

BUT that is not how a OCD sufferer would see it, in my case could it be because of such and such rituals i did not do or tried to resist the other day? Last week? a month ago?

Some OCD sufferers may think "Is it because i did not clean her cage or the room enough and she contracted germs?"

So now i am once again fighting with my OCD very aware of what i can and can't do just incase i do "The wrong thing" once again, even though that is what i have been encouraged to do by my CBT therapist but more on that another day