Rumination in OCD, The thoughts that won't shut up...

As OCDUK says, Ruminations 'Rumination' is a term often used to describe all obsessional intrusive thoughts, but this is misleading. In the context of OCD a rumination is actually a train of prolonged thinking about a question or theme that is undirected and unproductive. Unlike obsessional thoughts, ruminations are not objectionable and are indulged rather than resisted, they can range to many subjects but mainly involving situations where the sufferer feels there has to be a solution or answer and here is my personal battle this week.

Ruminations are rare for me but this week it has been my main OCD issue which i am going to tell you all about.

In my local area there was some very sad news about a 15 year old girl who commited suicide, i shall not name any names or give out exact details however, now i did not know this girl in anyway nor had i even heard of her before i heard about this yet my OCD will react like i somehow knew her or was a great friend.

I will even go through some stages of grief ie denial is the main one "Maybe it was a mistake and really she is fine"

"Did i make this happen by not doing my OCD rituals correctly?" 'That is for another post'

Intrusive thoughts of how lonely or sad she must of felt

"If only i had been out that day and seen her maybe i could of stopped her?" As my mind ruminates about what i might of said to her

"Why did she do it?" Of course many people will think this for a few moments but in this case its over and over again to the point you are hoping there is some news about what happened exactly

"I wish i could get the chance to support her family and friends"

Now bare in mind to the non OCD sufferer these above thoughts are over and over again several times a day for up to 30 minutes or more at a time.

It is a very lonely stressful situation to be in, you feel you are unable to exactly approach anyone and say

"Look i am struggling and can't stop thinking about a girl i never knew or met and what she did, or why she did it, and could i of helped her?"

You feel selfish for even thinking and feeling so bad, because of course her family and friends are going through alot worse it is there right to feel this way not me.